I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
