Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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