No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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