what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
