theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you would pick up someone in the library
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
