what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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