I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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