I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
false alarm, still single
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
