Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
