the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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