The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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