sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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