Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
