she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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