Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You left your phone here
Wait...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
