Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize