I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
