I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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