Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
