My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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