Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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