your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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