dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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