you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
