and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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