i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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