I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
