Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
