you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
