I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
