He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
