There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
