I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
