tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
