Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
