We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
