So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
