I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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