Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
