This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
