put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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