i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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