is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
