She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
