I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
