His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
