You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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