also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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