I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
