R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
