my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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