her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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