Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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