...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
