new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
