ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
