Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
