Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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