No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
