I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
