Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
