the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
