alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
