I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
