Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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