he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
