Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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