when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
