she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
