Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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