I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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