Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
